last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
