She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
