No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We're not piercing ourselves today.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
