whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
