I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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