Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I stole a fireplace last night.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
