At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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