hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
