I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
