My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
