4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
People in love make me want to vomit
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
