Moan for me like Helen Keller
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
