Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
