I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
