Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
