You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
