just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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