You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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