I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
