Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
