I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
