i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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