Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
