bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
