i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
