Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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