9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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