Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
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i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
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Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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