So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
