do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
