he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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