im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
