I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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