Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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