what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
