You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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