Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
