well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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