But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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