Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
