I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
