how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
