4 words: hood of his car
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
