His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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