Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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