that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
