Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
