We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
