so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
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I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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