sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
