I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
