I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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