he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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