took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
