I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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