my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
ugly people sure do ruin things
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
