this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
This is the high leading the old right now
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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