I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
