i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
