It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Randomize
