Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
