We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
