you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
