so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
