I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
