I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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