you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
