Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
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I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
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The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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