i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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