I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
