There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
