Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
