I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
