i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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