Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
