how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
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Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
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I believe in your delicious
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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