We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's shark week go big or go home
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
