It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I could fuck to npr.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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