the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
