I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
