Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
