I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
