Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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